Let’s Talk About Baby Making

    K Ghislaine

Yes, It is Story Time… But Not Mine

I love the amount of people in my life who are so excited that my boyfriend and I are trying to start a family. It’s so supportive and amazing! I love you all for sharing in this journey with us, whether you are reading along, or sending me messages. And ultimately thank you all for basically giving us the go ahead to have sex, lots and lots of sex! It really means the world to me, and my libido! Oh, and I am pretty sure he enjoys it too. Again, thank you all!

We as a society are a fascinating people. It would be super weird for me to walk into a room and say, guess what everyone, I just had sex! OK, weird for most people, but possibly not me? I digress. If a person does that, the looks on peoples faces would be very mixed. And dare I say that most in the room would portray varying levels of discomfort, and disbelief. Where are those smelling salts? Bragging about intercourse… Bad. But, and here’s the butt, talk about baby making and the shift of emotions is palpable.

With growing frequency, I find myself telling people that we are trying, instead of horrified looks we are getting enthusiastic and happy responses. People are even excited at the prospect of us creating new life, offering words of encouragement, and at times tips and tricks. Not actual sex positions, but things to try to get your body ready, herbal remedies and advice in keeping those swimmers inside for the longest possible amounts of time. So yes, it turns out, the way to make sex talk permissible is to sugar coat with baby making intentions. Damn. If I had only known this sooner, I could have been so rich!

Take the title of this article for example. If I had used my original idea of Sex, but this time for procreation, the censors of social media would have limited its reach. But, to use the term baby making, I can override the naysayers and get this out there. Which is good, because I have a task for you readers at the end of this. Sex for pleasure is not something we can talk about in normal society, and well, that’s probably why I write about it so often. Censorship is not something I’m keen to observer. In fact, it’s one of my least favourite things, so I tend to mention sex, orgasms, and share nudity a lot (which you can access on my Patreon)! But let’s get back to this post.

Now, I’m sure you are wondering what point could I possibly be making. It’s just this, we as a society continue to be afraid to talk about sex, but when it comes to procreation, the most widely acceptable form of intercourse, then it is marginally better. I cannot think of any religion or society that does not encourage the act of penetration for the act of being fruitful and multiplying, and well, when you have faith on your side then you are golden. So now, I can finally say that I am joining the millions of people before me, saying, yes, I am ready to have lots and lots of unprotected sex with the love of my life because we are ready to create a new being in our images! Sex writing is suddenly encouraged, because we are doing it for sanctified reasons. Did I use that term right? It’s been a while since my Catholic school days.

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So thank you for the support in me having unprotected sex! I really appreciate it. But I need more than just support right now. I need your help and input. No no, not in that way. I have definitely have that part covered, sex is easy, especially when two people fit so well together. No, what I need from you is your stories, specifically I want to know your baby making stories, and all the details that made it special. Partly because I want to make sure we are doing the creation part right, and partly because, when else are you going to get this opportunity?

I’ve read that orgasmic sex is better for increasing the odds of conception. Is that true? I’ve also read that booze has helped a great number of people lower their stress levels, allowing their bodies to just go with the flow, so to speak. Did you drink the night you conceived? Was it just dumb luck? A one night stand with perfect conditions? Do you always get pregnant after eating certain foods? Or what about a particular position? What makes baby making happen in your world? I’ve also read about certain lubes helping. Or teas, or fertility specialists, or maybe you have no idea. That’s really interesting to me too, because the thing I have read the most, that it happened when you were least expecting it, and had stopped trying. So let’s talk about what you were doing to stop trying, yet still having what I assume was unprotected sex.

Either way, this is your time to shine. Feel free to message me privately and with your permission I will add to the comments section on your behalf keeping you anonymous. Or brag about it. That’s always awesome too. Come on people, let me read your stories for a change!

Trying to Conceive: Is There a Right Way?

    K Ghislaine

There are two schools of thought that I have encountered with my trying to conceive journey, and there seems to be no clear right or wrong. The first is to live like you are already pregnant, and the other, is to just live your life and if it happens, then it happens. I’ve been trying the first without success. The second method, scares me, because I don’t want to do something that accidentally creates another miscarriage. I’ve admittedly, been slowly relaxing the first method, simply because, I know the effect that stress has on the body. And quite frankly, as a person who thrives in stressful situations, I am not always the best at recognizing at what point too much is. That is a work in progress, as I discussed in my latest Medium article on Stress and Polyamory.

Stress is bad. But the clock is ticking and thus it’s difficult to just allow things to happen, but rationally I know that is the only thing I can do. Other than of course working towards getting seen by a fertility specialist, which is my next step, after the gynecologist assured me that everything is fine. My impatient self screams out, if everything is fine why am I not pregnant? Then my rational self says, this is why you are always stressed! As I sniffle “I always give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” as quoted by Alice, in Alice in Wonderland.

Do I drink the beer, which helps me to relax and keep my stress down? Or do I not drink the beer because I want to ensure I am fully body ready to make this baby thing a reality? Ultimately the only thing I can do is to try and keep myself distracted and happy because at the end of the day, I know I need to stay out of my head. Thus it is a perfect time to keep pitching my book to agents, and to keep tackling all the projects and such that life throws my way. Which of course is much easier to do during the days right after my period when I know I cannot possibly symptom spot. Serenity NOW!!!!

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I know there is no right or wrong way. But some days I must say, it’s difficult to see so many shows portray people having healthy pregnancies the first time they try to conceive, or when they aren’t trying. That being said, we got pregnant the first time completely by accident. So there must be something to the whole, not trying thing. But somethings are easier said than done. I can tell myself that it is what it is, but then, as I said, I get into my head, and it’s almost impossible to shut that part of my hoping, and trying off. There simply is no right or wrong way, but damn do I ever wish there was something more I could be doing. Then again, maybe less is more? Our family is already started, because the two of us already have each other, and that is huge and wonderful. And I am grateful, truly. But of course, I want more, well, we both do.

I do want to take a moment to thank all the people so far who have shared their trying to get pregnant stories. I knew writing about this subject would open that door, and I am so grateful to be able to read each and everyone of your experiences. And what’s more, to have real people to talk to about this, and share the ups and downs (hear that universe? I am ready for some ups here too!). At this point in the game, I am focusing on trying to relax, and enjoy the process, while at the same time continuing to take my prenatals, and the expertise of those in the health care system. Oh and of course doing the thing the actually makes creating a baby possible!

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Miscarriage: My Poetic Rant

    K Ghislaine

Questions Without Answers

It is not your fault

May I repeat it is not your fault

But what about the hot bath I took?

Or the beer I had before I knew I was pregnant?

No, it is not your fault

But what about the sex, or using my vibrator, could that be to blame?

There just must be something to blame, someone, oh it must be me

So many questions but no satisfying answers

It happens,  it is normal, your body knows what’s best

The wrong signals were sent, the womb was confused, everything was out of your control

It is not your fault

I repeat, it is not your fault

But who’s fault is it?

Why did it happen?

And how can I prevent it happening again?

You can’t, you won’t, somethings just are what they are

The numbers they swirl,

40

You are old, it is too late

20%

It is going to happen again

50%

Your quality is diminished

I cry

So it is my fault

I waited too late

I did everything wrong

I am to blame

No, it is not your fault

You are not to blame

It happens, it is OK

You will try again, you will find a way because it is what you do best

Remember, it is OK, it is not your fault

We love you

I Love You

Thank you all for the love and support on here, social media, and on Patreon. For the likes, shares, comments, and private words of encouragement. It’s nice not to be alone.

The Two Week Limbo

    K Ghislaine

If time wasn’t a factor I “would love to just, “let things happen” so to speak, but I am 40. I pour over the stats saying that the old you get, the likely hood of getting pregnant reduces by not just a few points, but by entire percentages. It’s daunting. And let us not forget, that looming, very close by now, is the possibility of peri-menopause, and ultimately, the ending of my egg producing power. I tremble as I write that. It looms, ominously over my head, taunting me. I haven’t feared getting older like this before. Please body, please on please just let me pop out a couple of healthy babies before you shut that down, I plea through tears as I enter the dreaded two week limbo.

If I had met this man 10 years earlier, well, everything would be different, and if I go down that rabbit hole, the truth is, we probably wouldn’t have been as compatible as we are now. So, I won’t lament, or regret the things that cannot be, other than to say, trying to conceive would have been easier. And on that note, trying to have a baby, is so much more of everything than I ever could have imagines.

The pros of course, include sex, more sex, and intimacy that is nothing short of miraculous. Two people, coming together, trying to start a life, because we are truly in love, and want a family is more than I could have imagined as a youth. The butterflies in my stomach feeling is ongoing, and is blissful, calming, and exciting all at the same time. I love just laying in his arms afterwards, calm, fulfilled, and in an enjoyment of the silence of my wondering, pondering brain. There is nothing quite like that kind of sex. All risk is gone, and what it left is possibilities, and happiness. Oh and sweet sweet satisfaction.

The cons however, creep into my mind, very shortly afterwards. During the past 5 years, I worked very diligently to listen and react to my body, mind, and emotions. Through yoga, writing, and the ear of an amazing woman, I became more in tune with everything internal. Overall, this has brought me great strength, honed my empathy, and allowed me the permission to listen to my body cues, and rest when needed. Something that I have never been able to do before. Unfortunately, being so in tune with my inner working, I am also more susceptible to noticing changes in my body.

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As I mentioned in my previous post, my hormones are raging, and causing nothing short of chaos during the 2 weeks after ovulation. I feel everything! And let me tell you, that ride is no fun. If you Google early pregnancy symptoms, PMS, and ovulation, there is so much overlap between them, that there is zero telling what is actually going on. And for added fun, there is simply no method of testing to tell you the truth of your body. At least nothing in a cost effective, at home, peace of mind type way. Pregnancy test only work accurately when you miss your period. Blood tests tell you thing much sooner, but, you need to see your Dr. for a referral, and that usually takes the same amount of time. There are urine test, and thermometers for ovulation prediction, but that still leaves you with the 2 weeks until your period arrives to contend with.

Some of you might be saying, “it’s only 2 weeks” that’s nothing in the grand scheme of things! But during those two weeks, your hormones are doing all of the things. And as added fun, I found out recently, that many women experience an increase of hormonal fluctuations as they grow closer, and close to menopause. For those who don’t or didn’t, I am so envious of you, because the last few months has included more emotional breakdowns than I think the rest of my PMS combined. Maybe a slight exaggeration, for dramatic effect, to drive home the point of my exhaustion.

Dearly, I would love to just stop listening to my body. To go with the flow, and say, c’est la vie! Followed by que sera, sera. But, to go full circle in this post, I am 40. Time is not on my side. Egg quality is diminishing. My chances are going down exponentially, and as my Dr. informed me, my problem is not infertility (due to my miscarriages), so… something else is going on, that I am certain time will not just fix. Argh!!! So I sit here, venting this all out in a effort to quiet the noises of hormones in my head long enough to focus on pitching my book. Fingers crossed, everything works out in my head!

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Hormones Suck!

    K Ghislaine

So, it seems to me like my biological clock and my body are in cahoots to drive me absolutely mad.  It’s as if, now that my body knows what pregnancy feels like, it has realized it’s true calling.  And pregnant or not, I am inundated with symptoms.  What fresh hell is this?  Breasts doubling in size, right before my period and aching to high hell. The nausea, the exhaustion, and on my god the hormones!!! The fluctuations of it all are enough to drive a person insane. Is there a word for pre-pregnancy baby brain?

Perhaps I should be grateful that for the majority of my life, periods were a mere blip on my radar.  Well let me tell you, my body is absolutely making up for lost time.  Every time it realizes that I am not pregnant it goes into full rebellion mode.  And I am absolutely losing my mind, sanity, and whatever grace I have with people.  But the person you should feel most compassion for is my dear partner taking this all like a champ.

To be clear, we were not trying (as of the original writing of this post), as my doctor wanted me to see a gynecologist to ensure everything was in working order, as a direct result of having two miscarriages in one year.  So, the possibility of getting pregnant was extremely slim. But again, do you know who couldn’t hear that?  My body and hormones.  They do not care.  My biological clock screams, and they respond with volatile mood swings, tears, and a sore and aching body. 

No one warned me about this when we decided to start trying.  It’s maddening!  And it is exhausting.  I am tired of being told we shouldn’t try for the moment, then given the green light, rinse and repeat. And perhaps my body is echoing my sentiment of annoyance. My body is not getting any younger, and those eggs won’t be viable forever. So could we stop with the issues please? I am in limbo, with my body swinging me back and forth between sanity, and whatever the hell my current mood is. I just want a bit of time to enjoy all the baby making fun. But clearly, my body does not agree, and has taken a firm stance that it needs to put me through the ringer, perhaps making sure that I really do want a baby. Ugh… hormones suck!!!

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