I started writing this post a few days ago in full story mode. I plotted out all the details of our first couples date in quite a while, sparing few details of the getting ready, meeting, and the unfortunate conclusion that we came to after an hour or so of conversation. My intention was to share with you our real life account of what dating couples is actually like, but this morning my fierce editing pen took hold and scrapped the whole idea. Whether you are monogamous or not, you are fully aware of what happens when you meet someone for drinks and there is just zero chemistry. I felt that I brought nothing to the table by sharing just one more lackluster date. So, I began again, with a new focus, chemistry.
So often you have a gut reaction to a person that is far beyond your control. You are either attracted to them, or you’re not, the chemical reaction of attraction. I have read quite a few books as of late that talk about that chemistry, Do Gentleman Really Prefer Blonds? and The Natural History of Love to name a few, and they all conclude the same thing, chemistry is out of our conscious control. Ok, fine, let’s trust the experts on this one. But if it’s out of our control, then that means trying to find couples that we are attracted to, and want to become physical with becomes a numbers game. The overwhelming variables that have to line up between 4 people becomes astronomically complex. So complex in fact, that the headspace I need to be in to even attempt it, is a feat in of itself. So here I sit, puzzled, and a little overwhelmed by it all. People and relationships are complex and unique and a big part of what really attracts me to this non-monogamous lifestyle.
But in order to get to the fun part, and build connections with people I have to take a step back and re-evaluate the initial process. I have to take a page out of my partners book and start playing the initial numbers game. I have to take a risk, and play the odds. Just go out on a whole bunch of dates. It’s time to lower the extremely high standards I have and filters that I have so meticulously put in place and just start having some fun meeting new people. The downsides to this way of thinking of course is the money, scheduling, and time investment. But if I really think about that, the experience of it all should outweigh the initial sting of just getting out there and being social. Who cares if on paper the couple doesn’t seem to be a long term fit. Maybe, just maybe they will surprize me and an amazing opportunity will arise. Perhaps playing the numbers game, we will find ourselves exposed to new ways of thinking, new groups and a few really sexy adventures.
If I am trying to shift my focus from the magnitude of the situation and break it down into a numbers games, I might end up in a place whereby I am not emotional about it, just practical. And the only way to make this numbers game a viable option is to boil the whole thing down to one common denominator, is there any chemistry? Going out into the wild, with a commonality, having some fun in an attempt to asses if there chemistry with strangers. If there is a spark the possibilities are endless. And if there isn’t, we finish our beers and move to the next opportunity. So, there I have it, the breaking down of the couples quest and the over whelming magnitude of it all into one bite sized and achievable test, is their a spark? Now to begin the messages… stay tuned.
If you’re wondering where all the behind scenes photos go, why not check out my members only photo gallery?