Oh for the love of… just stop! Using drama free as a tagline or whatever in your online dating profile especially on the non-monogamous ones is just bad from! My stance on this should not be any surprise if you have read any of my online dating tips and tricks (feel free to search them out in my sidebar). And I would love to just leave this one alone, but as the non-monogamous dating pool is super tiny, I figure this particular topic needs its very own post. When I see that someone or a couple wants “drama free” in their non- monogamous profile, it the opposite of what I assume is the desired effect for the author. For me, it is a huge red flag, so much so that I am actually turned off. And as I see it so frequently, let me tell you a few reasons why I feel you should remove it from your profile if you are currently using it.
First up, it is such an unnecessary thing to write, in fact it borders on just being a ridiculous statement. Does anyone actually seek out drama, and if so, are those people really ones you want to hang around with? To put another way, have you ever noticed that the people in your life that are super concerned about avoiding drama are the ones who have the most of it? Yes? No? Maybe? Well, look around. Drama, is surprisingly enough very easy to avoid. Simply put, don’t get involved in other people’s shit, especially when it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Because the reality is you probably have enough going on in your own life without putting your nose in other people’s business. Life is complicated, relationships are complicated, play on your own turf! And trust me, your life will be so much simpler and calmer if you focus on your own problems, and leave other adults to do the same, unless they ask for your help or advice.
Next up, what does “no drama” really mean? Well, my first impression is usually that you are just looking for no strings attached sex (or NSA). But rather than putting that you want NSA on your profile, like a mature human who knows what they want, you instead choose to sugar coat it with an over encompassing buzz word. And it’s almost brilliant because if any feelings develop, or you get into a situation that you are not emotionally able to handle you can use the clever excuse that you said “drama free” right from the start. And therefor you absolve yourself from having to deal with anything above and beyond intercourse. You are soooooooo clever.
Third, part of being non-monogamous in an ethical and mature manor is knowing how to communicate. And if you have been in the lifestyle for any length of time, you have probably stumbled with your partner and realized that you truly had no clue what good communication really was, is, and everything in between. So for the people who believe that drama free is the ideal in the lifestyle, I have to ask you to take a picture of the view from your glass house and then send it to me. If you are not able to ask a couple out, politely decline an invitation for sex, breakup with a couple or even talk about safe sex and the dreaded we made a mistake (STI, STD, or breach of trust) then you have no business being in any relationship outside of monogamy. And based on what I see on online forums there are a great many people out there who believe that one form or another of the above list constitutes as drama and something that they do not have time in their lives to deal with. Here’s a new flash, humans are complicated and fallible. If you honestly think you can avoid dealing with all the so-called drama, then you are going to CRASH AND BURN! Again, humans make mistakes, and you cannot completely isolate yourself from the emotions of others. And if my understanding of the word drama is accurate, emotions could definitely constitute as a deal breaker or something you are trying to avoid.
So, let’s be clear here, people who seek out drama are not fun to be around. People who avoid drama are equally as bad because honestly, I need to trust that if shit hits the fan, you can deal with it like a grown up! If that is not the case, you are not getting near my body! On a side note, that’s why people at clubs who get a little too intoxicated really turn me off. I don’t find volatility sexy, especially because I have worked so freaking hard on my own emotional control, I know that if I can learn to control myself, you can too. So please, remove “drama free” from your profile. It’s sending the wrong message. We are all trying to find our own brand of fun. And if there is something specific you don’t want to encounter, say that. Stop using all encompassing buzz words that do not convey accurately the type of relationship or interaction that you seek.
Did you know I post behind the scenes pictures on my Patreon? Definitely worth a little look…